Step Six - Try Something New

"A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new." - Albert Einstein

Simple, straightforward, yet why is it so hard? I used to be a person who always stuck to the same old things, day in and day out. Whether it was food, television, exercise, etc., I did not waver. There is an old adage to the tune of, "If it isn't broken, don't try to fix it." I, like many others, took this to the extreme. Consequently, a lot of things in my life were predictable. While I am still a man of routine, I have ventured out of the lines quite a lot in recent years. The most recent of such experiences was when I went camping for the first time.

Now this may sound silly to you, in that a lot of children (especially boys) go camping at least once, in some fashion, before they turn (let us say) 10 years old. Not me. The closest thing to camping I experienced was sleeping on our boat overnight at a dock. Mind you, I had all the facilities of a very small apartment at my disposal. Nevertheless, I decided (with some coaxing of a few friends) that it was time to take the plunge. Now, while I cannot say that I "loved" the experience, I did not hate it. The point is that it was an activity out of my comfort zone. I tried something totally new. Now, you might be thinking that I could have just drove to work differently one day and the same phenomenon would have taken place. You are absolutely correct. Both camping and driving a new route (for me, at least) are completely new and foreign practices in my life. Think about your life for a second. How many times in the last day, week, month, etc. have you tried something entirely new, out of character, and even uncomfortable?

Countless studies have shown that keeping your neurons active throughout your life and especially in your later years is a crucial element to longevity. Some scientists even venture to claim that such activities can even cure or prevent diseases all together. More importantly though, they keep your life from being mundane. Think about if you were forced to eat brocolli and only brocolli (assuming you actually like it, but pick any single food) from birth to death. How boring! Knowing that there is something else out there other than that one food item would drive you crazy. Surprisingly, a lot of people do this to themselves on purpose. Granted, it may not be with their culinary selection, but maybe with their wardrobe or hair cut. I am not suggesting that you give up everything you have for a completely new life, but merely that you add an element of spontanaity into your life once and a while.

Maybe (hopefully) you already are the type of person who likes to try new things (and maybe make mistakes along the way). Think of how much you learned in the process. Think of the people you met, the places you visited, the food you tasted, that rush of life that you felt at every new experience, and, most importantly, the satisfaction you felt afterward that you had tried something new. Note that trying new things is not always a pleasant experience. That is all part of the game. I always hear people complaining that life is not fair because something they did went the wrong direction. I also hear people boasting of how something they did completely turned their life around, but in the positive direction. Make life fair. Try something new.

Step Five - Laugh a Little

"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter." -Mark Twain

Now, I do not know how this Mark Twain guy came up with this stuff, but it is brilliant (at least in my opinion). Think about it for a minute. You are in a heated argument, debate, whatever and you start to smile and maybe even start laughing. At first, the other person/people might get even more indignant, but usually they start to cool off. This tactic does not always work, but it can be incredibly effective if used properly.

Think too about when you are feeling really depressed. Your job is sucking, your house just sprung a $500-to-fix leak, your pet littered on your laptop, your hair is falling out, you did not win the lottery...again, etc. Then you turn on a funny movie or hang out with your friends and immediately start to feel a little better. You forget about why you were depressed. In some cases, especially with good friends, you may start laughing so hard that your abs get a 10-minute workout by default. Your eyes start tearing and every little thing someone says thereafter is somehow funny. Those are the best laughs. The ones that hurt for a full day after. They are those rare ones that you wish could happen more often.

Laughing is especially helpful (and unfortunately rare) when we lose someone we love. It might be that you broke up with a significant other, maybe a great friend moved far away, or possibly even you "lost" a loved one to a disease of some sort. Especially with the last case, it is really hard to laugh. However, if you can muster up a smile and even a chuckle or two, you will feel better. Thinking of all of the great times you spent with each other and shrugging off the bad ones will elicit that sort of satisfying feeling like when you eat a spoonful of really rich chocolate mousse (or your favorite craving). Similar too is when you take a sip of really warm tea or coffee on a cold and damp day. You feel it warming up your soul and bringing a calmness to your life. So too can a good laugh.

The best way, in general, that laughing helps is to make you feel less stressed. It is well known that stress is very bad for your health. It is neither good for your psychological wellness, nor your physical condition. When you are stressed, your brain releases "stress hormones" to your body, indicating that you are in trouble. Your heart may beat faster, you may start to sweat, etc. Over a long period of time, you can see how dangerous this can be and how much laughter is needed as a prescription to this self-induced disease. Life will often throw you curves that you may feel are too much to handle and make it all seem unfair and you get stressed. Take control. Make it fair. Laugh a little.

Step Four - Stop Waiting

"Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite. Or waiting around for Friday night or waiting perhaps for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil or a better break or a string of pearls or a pair of pants or a wig with curls or another chance. Everyone is just waiting." - Dr. Seuss

As a child, I read many a Dr. Seuss book. Most were peppered with rhymes that tickled the tongue and brought laughter to my childhood. However, as I get older, I find many quotes of Dr. Seuss that sort of catch me off guard and make me think about my life. This, I was not expecting. The quote above can relate to several situations, but I think it relates most to life as a whole. If you think about it, we do spend a lot of time waiting. Waiting for the computer to process, in line at the grocery store, in a traffic jam, for that perfect someone to come along, for that test result, for someone else to make a change in your life, or even, unfortunately, to die. The problem is, sometimes we are waiting for so long and for so much that we forget to live during the periods where we are not specifically waiting for something.

For quite a while now, but mostly more recently, I have been trying to really focus on practicing the cliche, "Live in the moment." It may sound hokey, but try the following sometime. When you are with a group of people, or even a person, that you love (in any capacity), make yourself have a sort of out-of-body experience and really soak in the moment. Let it saturate your soul. Science has shown that the amygdala is the part of the brain where emotional memories are stored. Fill it up. Do not wait for someone else in the moment to tell you to. Once you get this down, take it one step further. When you are out in this crazy world (solo or not), let your cerebral cortex enjoy and "record" the details of every beautiful entity this Earth has to offer. No, you do not need to be "high" on anything to do this. I learned at a very young age that we should appreciate every day that we are given. It is harder than it sounds. You will not regret doing it, or at least trying.

Do not wait for a vacation to soak in the moment, or for a romantic rendezvous. Yes, we are all waiting at all times for something. But in that instant when you are not thinking about waiting for something, when you are just enjoying being alive, really absorb every ounce of that fraction of your time. You have to make a conscious effort. It usually does not just happen naturally. There is so much out there to appreciate. There is also so much out there to do. That is one of the hardest parts when it comes to not waiting.

Do no wait to take action (in general). Do not hold off on telling her you love her, having an intimate conversation with an elderly grandparent, telling your friend how special she is, thanking your parents for caring, doing that little something to make someone's day extra special, taking that last-minute trip to visit an old friend, and so on. By not waiting, you will find yourself in more moments that you will want to remember. Do this, because one day, you will run out of time. One day you might say to yourself, "If only I didn't spend all of my time waiting." Sometimes life is not fair and it ends too short. Do something about it while you still can. Make it fair. Stop waiting.

Step Three - Quit Complaining

"Too many people go through life complaining about their problems. I've always believed that if you took one-tenth the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving the problem, you'd be surprised by how well things can work out." - Randy Pausch

I came across this quote yesterday in a book that I am reading, called The Last Lecture, and it really jumped out at me. Like step two in making life fair, this step is a huge challenge. I bet you know one or two or ten people that like to complain about every little thing that does not go their way. In fact, maybe you are one of these people. I know that I have had a problem with this in the past and I am still in recovery! Many people in my life, both past and present, have been infected with this disease. The questions are, "Is it really that bad and is there a cure?"

Firstly, it is bad because harping on the problems in your life will usually not help the situation. This is especially true when it involves complaining about things that have happened in the past. How many times have you heard someone dwelling on something that occurred a year ago and he wishes he had done something differently? It could be about his personal life, work life, etc. Now that can be a productive practice if that person is looking for advice on how to avoid such a situation again and enhance his quality of life. However, if he just keeps nagging and whining nonstop, that is a completely unproductive and inefficient way to go about it.

Think of a situation where you have done this. Did you feel good afterwards? Did you feel good during? Maybe and maybe not. Mentally it might be a relief for some people to "talk it out," per se. However, they are only creating stress for themselves (stress is nicotine for the soul and body) and probably the listener too. Keep in mind that I am referring to the pathological complaining that Randy is referencing. It is perfectly healthy to express your feelings, as long as it is not in a compulsory fashion. That leads us to the second question.

I do not think there is a cure for the complaining disease. However, I do believe that time and intense mental therapy can alleviate the symptoms. Taking Randy's advice to heart is key here. When you feel yourself wanting to complain about something in an unproductive manner, stop and channel that energy towards finding a solution for your problem or situation. You might ask for the definition of "unproductive complaining." I define this as talking about a situation (esp. one in the past) that you can do nothing about now and repeatedly bring this topic up without merit. Think of it as a sympathy-inducing, premeditated whining. There is ultimately no satisfaction attained by either party in the conversation. You cannot solve the issue and neither can your audience.

The reason I think this is a time-consuming exercise is that this is a trait that people usually develop in their younger years. As we get older, if no one ever tells us that we are doing something such as this, we continue on forever. However, if we become self-aware, this habit is still very challenging to tackle. Nevertheless, I think it can be done. As I mentioned before, it is definitely something I still struggle with, but now I try to take some of that negative energy and release it in a more productive manner. Find that "one-tenth" in yourself or maybe help a friend. Life is way too short to satiate it with unnecessary stress. The statement "life isn't fair" alone is a complaint and one that people recite often. Yet, you can do something about it. Make it fair. Refrain from pathologically complaining.

Step Two - Listen and Be Open-Minded

"The participant's perspectives are clouded, while the bystander's views are clear." - Chinese Proverb

Did you ever realize how it is much easier to criticize than to accept criticism? This is often the case, regardless of who is doing the criticizing and if it is constructive or not. It may even be a situation where the criticizing party is a person of great wisdom or has a mountain of experience in the corresponding field, but you still refuse to listen. In a world with a thousand conflicting opinions and views on the same subject, it is often challenging to sift through the noise to find what is valid. What it all really comes down to is listening attentively and not jumping to make reciprocal criticisms.

You might be saying, "That's common sense. I have heard this all before." That may be true, but do you really abide by that knowledge? Do you actually listen to someone's advice or are you just formulating criticisms against that advice to satiate your insecurity about the particular topic? I speak from experience when I say that this is a very hard habit to break. I have found over time that sometimes you have to act as a sponge and absorb as opposed to a mirror and reflect during conversation. There may be some truth to the "bystander's" comments. Even if there is not, does it really hurt to listen? After all, the person giving you the criticism probably does not want to inflict emotional pain, but rather cares about you and wants to see you succeed.

I bet that you have been in at least one situation where you thought that you were doing nothing wrong, everything was perfect, and nothing could be improved. Maybe it was a project at work. Maybe it was a relationship. Sometimes people get so wrapped up in the minutiae of something that they forget to pull back and look at the "big picture." It could be that your boyfriend is saying that he needs to "take a break," where he actually just wants to see other people or already is. Meanwhile, your best friend asks why you do not see the red flags, but you are in complete denial and do not listen. I heard of this book once called He's Just Not That Into You. They have variants regarding women, life, cats, etc. (yes, I said cats) The point is, the book tells women the telltale signs that a guy just is not into her. This is the epitome of blunt advice/criticism that people do not want to hear. However, in this case it is in written form and I bet that of the millions of women that read it, only a small fraction actually apply it to their lives.

What it all comes back to is listening and thinking from another perspective. A non-cloudy perspective. The bystander can see it clear as day, because he is not in the situation. The participant does not listen because he is clouded by his stubborn subconscious. However, if the participant just listened to the bystander and formulated an opinion of his own that takes the criticism into consideration, he would be better off. You might say, "But what if the bystander's thoughts are a load of bologna?" Well, you have to take that "bologna" and let it marinate with your own thoughts and wisdom to culminate in the formulation of your next course of action. You could at least use the bystander's actions as a catalyst for your stopping and contemplating.

This advice, however basic it may seem, can help you look below the clouds at what is really going on. It can be applied to many situations, including addiction, choosing who you are going to vote for, your diet, your job, etc. Life throws these bystanders in to help make you see that certain situations are not always what they seem. You may think that they are trying to make life unfair. Now, you will need more than just an open mind to get through life, but it is a step in the right direction. Take this step and make it fair.

Step One - Begin

"Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity." - Christopher Morley

Blog. A curious little word. I never thought I would partake, but here I am. So much to say, so little time. So depite falling into unanimity's trap, I will succumb to expressing my thoughts in the written word...one step at a time.