Step Eight - Give a Little

“Charity is injurious unless it helps the recipient to become independent of it.” - John D. Rockefeller

There are many quotes out there that convey the same message as the one above. You may recall the one suggesting that giving a man a fish will feed him for a day, but teaching him to fish will feed him for a lifetime. I am sure you could find a dozen more. People offer acts of charity in many different forms. Many times it is in the form of money or something purchased with money. However, most often, it is in the form of service. Think of the times you have helped a friend solve a problem, or maybe paint a room, or even recommended a care provider (doctor, dentist, etc.). Those were all acts of charity. After all, one of the definitions of charity is "something given to a person or persons in need." [Dictionary.com] You were giving your time and energy without expecting anything in return. Or were you?

We live in a society (that can be incredibly selfish) where giving often has an ulterior motive attached to it (often subconsciously). The worst form of a "charitable" exchange is when someone gives something and expects something in return. I am referring to a situation like when someone mows his neighbor's lawn out of "kindness" and either blatantly or secretly expects a reciprocal act in return. It is even worse when a form of resentment formulates inside the "giver" and snide comments/thoughts are made like, "I mowed his lawn, so not blowing his leaves on my lawn is the least he can do." That is not true charity, by Mr. Rockefeller's definition. That is just a plate of selfishness with a side of corrupt intentions. Nonetheless, what if it made both the giver and the receiver feel good when the lawn was mowed? Is not that enough? Is that not the point of giving?

Not so fast. It is often the case when you hear someone speak of his recent act of charity, that he says how great it made him feel. That is fine and good, as it is human nature to feel good when you help someone else in any way. However, let us get back to the quote. Why did the recipient need the charity in the first place? Think of when they set up a medical clinic in an area of poverty. Is it a good, reputable act of charity to make people well again? Without question. But let us take it a step further. Would it not be a more long term and more effective act if they set up a medical school (or something similar) in the same area (or maybe made it a teaching clinic)? They could help the people to help themselves. Then, the givers can feel good and the receivers can feel the same way and pass that feeling along to others. Granted, not everyone can become a doctor. But at least the giving is not a one way street with a dead end. Now let us focus on you.

When is the last time that you really performed an act of charity that was both selfless and helped the receiver to help himself? Hopefully you can come up with a dozen or more examples. I think we all can do a lot more of this, and not just to those we converse with on a daily basis. There are millions of people out there that can benefit from your talents. Even if you help just one person, that could be the person who builds the school and helps thousands. With all of that said, one thing should be made clear. While Mr. Rockefeller defines the most complete form of charity, any form of truly selfless giving is a step in the right direction. You could be that first brick in the foundation of a sort of "pay it forward" way of living. Maybe you cannot always teach or give your time and energy. That is OK. Once in a while, you will touch someone else's life and be the catalyst of a domino effect that you cannot even imagine. Start today. Make life fair. Give a little.

Step Seven - Win Each Race

"Perseverance is not a long race.  It is many short races, one after another." - Walter Elliot

Close your eyes and think of what you did yesterday.  Even if it consisted of sitting on the couch and sipping soda, you were probably processing a few dozen mental races.  Maybe you were not sure what channel to pick.  Maybe you were contemplating changing the channel.  Maybe you were simultaneously trying to figure out the answer to a crossword puzzle question.  The point is that we are constantly solving problems in our head, even when we are desperately trying to fall asleep at night.  Most of these mental races are small sprints of a huge race.  For example, a massive project is due at work and you are thinking of how you are going to finish it all by the deadline.  We often get intimidated by the whole thing.  What we forget to do is break it into tiny pieces and think of each as a separate project.  

This is often a technique used in sports.  A college basketball team starts the season and sees the thirty some games ahead and starts to freak out.  The coach will sit the team down and tell them to think of each game as the only one in the season.  Everything is on the line.  However, focus on each half as its own game.  If you are winning at the end of each half, the game is won.  If you win each game in the season, the championship is won.  You have to focus on one at a time.  I know, you are thinking, "What an obvious piece of advice!"  You are right.  However, it is often the most obvious advice that we let slip by and forget to follow.  

If you take the metaphor described above, you can apply it to so many aspects of life.  Term papers, dinner parties, your job, mowing the lawn, starting a business, saving for a vacation, etc.  The list is endless.  The key part is never giving up.  You have to always push to get to the next part of your journey.  There are so many obstacles that are waiting to push you off track.  One of the best ways to make sure your perseverance is not derailed is to organize.  That may entail documenting each step in the process, setting reminders, delegating and keeping track of progress, etc.  The cipher to it all is organization.  Period.  

Think of the basketball example I gave above.  How could the team win if they did not formally lay out the plan for each play?  They need to study the opponent, strategically position their use of time outs, and act upon a multitude of other steps that get them a win.  You have to do the same thing.  The reason why people get lost in the cloud of a monster task is that they enter blindly.  Organization is the cure.  Sometimes there are aspects of the plan that we cannot predict.  You can account for those too.  Just make sure you have the unknowns as part of the plan.  Step two of Making Life Fair involved listening.  If you are listening while you are following your plan, you will find that the unknowns often pop up early enough in the process to tackle.  That is, if you have a plan.  Is life just a big race with some 30,000 mini races, with one to run every day?  Possibly.  Make life fair.  Win each race.