Step Three - Quit Complaining

"Too many people go through life complaining about their problems. I've always believed that if you took one-tenth the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving the problem, you'd be surprised by how well things can work out." - Randy Pausch

I came across this quote yesterday in a book that I am reading, called The Last Lecture, and it really jumped out at me. Like step two in making life fair, this step is a huge challenge. I bet you know one or two or ten people that like to complain about every little thing that does not go their way. In fact, maybe you are one of these people. I know that I have had a problem with this in the past and I am still in recovery! Many people in my life, both past and present, have been infected with this disease. The questions are, "Is it really that bad and is there a cure?"

Firstly, it is bad because harping on the problems in your life will usually not help the situation. This is especially true when it involves complaining about things that have happened in the past. How many times have you heard someone dwelling on something that occurred a year ago and he wishes he had done something differently? It could be about his personal life, work life, etc. Now that can be a productive practice if that person is looking for advice on how to avoid such a situation again and enhance his quality of life. However, if he just keeps nagging and whining nonstop, that is a completely unproductive and inefficient way to go about it.

Think of a situation where you have done this. Did you feel good afterwards? Did you feel good during? Maybe and maybe not. Mentally it might be a relief for some people to "talk it out," per se. However, they are only creating stress for themselves (stress is nicotine for the soul and body) and probably the listener too. Keep in mind that I am referring to the pathological complaining that Randy is referencing. It is perfectly healthy to express your feelings, as long as it is not in a compulsory fashion. That leads us to the second question.

I do not think there is a cure for the complaining disease. However, I do believe that time and intense mental therapy can alleviate the symptoms. Taking Randy's advice to heart is key here. When you feel yourself wanting to complain about something in an unproductive manner, stop and channel that energy towards finding a solution for your problem or situation. You might ask for the definition of "unproductive complaining." I define this as talking about a situation (esp. one in the past) that you can do nothing about now and repeatedly bring this topic up without merit. Think of it as a sympathy-inducing, premeditated whining. There is ultimately no satisfaction attained by either party in the conversation. You cannot solve the issue and neither can your audience.

The reason I think this is a time-consuming exercise is that this is a trait that people usually develop in their younger years. As we get older, if no one ever tells us that we are doing something such as this, we continue on forever. However, if we become self-aware, this habit is still very challenging to tackle. Nevertheless, I think it can be done. As I mentioned before, it is definitely something I still struggle with, but now I try to take some of that negative energy and release it in a more productive manner. Find that "one-tenth" in yourself or maybe help a friend. Life is way too short to satiate it with unnecessary stress. The statement "life isn't fair" alone is a complaint and one that people recite often. Yet, you can do something about it. Make it fair. Refrain from pathologically complaining.