Did you ever realize how it is much easier to criticize than to accept criticism? This is often the case, regardless of who is doing the criticizing and if it is constructive or not. It may even be a situation where the criticizing party is a person of great wisdom or has a mountain of experience in the corresponding field, but you still refuse to listen. In a world with a thousand conflicting opinions and views on the same subject, it is often challenging to sift through the noise to find what is valid. What it all really comes down to is listening attentively and not jumping to make reciprocal criticisms.
You might be saying, "That's common sense. I have heard this all before." That may be true, but do you really abide by that knowledge? Do you actually listen to someone's advice or are you just formulating criticisms against that advice to satiate your insecurity about the particular topic? I speak from experience when I say that this is a very hard habit to break. I have found over time that sometimes you have to act as a sponge and absorb as opposed to a mirror and reflect during conversation. There may be some truth to the "bystander's" comments. Even if there is not, does it really hurt to listen? After all, the person giving you the criticism probably does not want to inflict emotional pain, but rather cares about you and wants to see you succeed.
I bet that you have been in at least one situation where you thought that you were doing nothing wrong, everything was perfect, and nothing could be improved. Maybe it was a project at work. Maybe it was a relationship. Sometimes people get so wrapped up in the minutiae of something that they forget to pull back and look at the "big picture." It could be that your boyfriend is saying that he needs to "take a break," where he actually just wants to see other people or already is. Meanwhile, your best friend asks why you do not see the red flags, but you are in complete denial and do not listen. I heard of this book once called He's Just Not That Into You. They have variants regarding women, life, cats, etc. (yes, I said cats) The point is, the book tells women the telltale signs that a guy just is not into her. This is the epitome of blunt advice/criticism that people do not want to hear. However, in this case it is in written form and I bet that of the millions of women that read it, only a small fraction actually apply it to their lives.
What it all comes back to is listening and thinking from another perspective. A non-cloudy perspective. The bystander can see it clear as day, because he is not in the situation. The participant does not listen because he is clouded by his stubborn subconscious. However, if the participant just listened to the bystander and formulated an opinion of his own that takes the criticism into consideration, he would be better off. You might say, "But what if the bystander's thoughts are a load of bologna?" Well, you have to take that "bologna" and let it marinate with your own thoughts and wisdom to culminate in the formulation of your next course of action. You could at least use the bystander's actions as a catalyst for your stopping and contemplating.
This advice, however basic it may seem, can help you look below the clouds at what is really going on. It can be applied to many situations, including addiction, choosing who you are going to vote for, your diet, your job, etc. Life throws these bystanders in to help make you see that certain situations are not always what they seem. You may think that they are trying to make life unfair. Now, you will need more than just an open mind to get through life, but it is a step in the right direction. Take this step and make it fair.
No comments:
Post a Comment